ChaosMen: Barton and Vander (Bareback Flip-Fuck)

I split the difference. It’s sexier for him to be indecent but not naked until we’re fucking. But I never want not-little Vander to feel even a little bit pinned in. So I would browse the Jon Hamm catalog for a variety of “it’s too big for this, but we did our best — please don’t arrest him” pants. I could take him to where MC Hammer used to buy his parachute pants, but we want some semblance of taste.

I used to go to a bar that had a back room, and there was this guy who knew that he was at least the second biggest guy anyone had ever seen. The back room had a dress code — leather or jeans. One day I saw him in the back room in a pair of pajama bottoms. That was at least ten years ago, and I not only still remember it: sometimes I get on my knees and pray about it.

Speaking of which, I just got a 30 percent coupon from CVS. Time for some more prayer ointment.